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Trading Places

Unlike Usher, this post is not sexual. (and then the men close the tab with my blog, sigh) Before I get into this post, I want to point out that a majority of my readers are not intellectually inadequate as I had clumsily assumed (sigh of relief.) Ignore the little voice of doubt telling you that this is  a ploy to fill up space and call it a blogJ yes I just used a smiley, smileys are the greatest thing ever…second to ______ (insert favourite “thing” and nod in agreement)

Now back to the topic (J. Cole voice; yes the obsession goes on, you will all be J .Cole fans by my tenth blog entry.) So before these love related posts become one too many, I bring you yet another twist to heartbreak. I do this for this one particular reader that had his heart literally shitted on by an 18 year old girl. (God I hope they aren’t back together by the time I post this)
And on that sad note, I present the rare occasion when men get their hearts broken. The fallacious belief is that all men are asses and as such will always break your heart (stereotypes – yawn!) so once in a while comes a rare breed of woman who fits this description like a glove. And I don’t mean the average joe rejection.

Rejection is normal. Plus men seem to be well adjusted to it, (another stereotype perhaps) I mean full on heartbreak; ripping your heart out with her bare hands and then asking you to be “just friends”. I mean we all have a right to reject someone we do not like and trust that right will be exercised on you. Refer to “500 Days of Summer.”
“I can’t tell you how many guys, and girls, are like, ‘You did him wrong!’ What, she’s a bitch because she didn’t want to date that guy? So? Are we bitches because we have our own opinions? If that makes me a bitch, or that makes women bitches, then maybe we’re all bitches.”  Zooey Deschanel on her character Summer from “500 Days of Summer”


I admit I am a bit of a hypocrite when it comes to rejection. I am scared shitless of telling someone that 1. They bore me to death and 2. That cologne only serves to drive me away NOT into their arms. So this is how I reject suitors: 1. I find out what they like about me and completely suppress that quality/ies around them and 2. As of now, send them the link to this blog entry.This one friend of mine sucks at rejection just as much. But hers is to another level. When the infatuation wears off or she intends to reject one of her oh so many suitors, she simply refuses to pick up her phone. Her last boyfriend from 2010 still thinks they’re in a relationship.

Okay back to the point; at what point is it considered heartbreak. As I said earlier we do have the right to reject someone (it should be a constitutional right, RIGHT?) BUT you abuse the right when you get involved with someone when you know you do not like them and do not inform them. (To the femme fatale mentioned in the previous paragraph, please tell the boy it’s over or send him a link  to this blog entry!)

At this point I would like to introduce an acceptable sterotype as evidence for this theory. It is my humble opinion that heartbreak is made for women (I am really banking on the assumption that most of my readers are female otherwise the hate mail for the week is going to surpass that of a love child between Hitler and Bush.) Thing is, we sorta handle it better, it is our muse and of course we stalk better. We adapt to it like bangs and all those random hair styles. BUT cue the heartbreak for men. They become cabbages. They go on sex rampages and become less passionate. I dono about other women but the last time I had my heart broken, I became passionate about my writing; Adele style! A shout out to that weak nigga for indirectly causing this blog. Another thing  is that unlike women, men don’t fall in love with everything. For example I honestly love about 15 of my friends, I love my dogs, I love my hair, I love my phone, I love my Diesel heels…emphasis on the word LOVE.

So here comes this man ready to love you. You make the man invest time, emotions and MONEY (we know how this is a tough one for Ugandan men) and then boom you just pull a ka bitch move on the man. What breaks a man’s heart really. Well for starters giving your ahem, cookies, to another man. Men are possesive creatures so when he actually loves you and you go around feeling like a good samaritan with those ahem, cookies, trust you gon break his heart.
Another reason, obviously applicable to both genders, is faux love. pretending to love someone is a weak move and should be outlawed. I don’t know much about love but I know you should NOT feign this emotion. In the same light you can’t honestly love someone because they love you. You are not indebted to love. To God, yes…and even then the emotion has to be genuine not forced or mimicked and without conditions as He has loved us. (Note to the Broken hearted readers; let God heal your broken heart)


I’m hitting the 1000 word mark so here’s a recap as I wrap it up (as I giggle at that last part, “grow up!”)…first; you have the right to reject someone but you shouldn’t abuse it, please?  There’s a saying that if you love someone you should let them know…well I belive it also applies to the opposite; you don’t like them; grow a pair and say it! Secondly people generally suck so we are all susceptible to heartbreak and are all guilty of breaking some hearts in the past. Do not be fooled into thinking that only men break hearts and that women are incapable of it. Oh plus I forgot to mention, 80% of the time men are NOT affected by heartbreak, that’s why when it happens, it’s like the Great wall of China crumbling.

I refuse to proof read this so let’s pretend any/all errors are intentional.  I have reached my literary limit for the day so I have no idea how to end this post. How about a quote to guide you in your romantic endeavours;
I am only responsible for my own heart, you offered yours up for the smashing my darling. Only a fool would give out such a vital organ
 Anaïs Nin
 AND FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE DON’T COMMIT SUICIDE BECAUSE OF HEARTBREAK!!!
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1 Comment

  • Reply readerloves food September 24, 2011 at 8:07 am

    Here's a comment! Hmm

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