Self Image

To be Still.

“Human beings often display emotion they do not feel. And they
often feel emotion they do not display. That’s a description of me all right. I
keep myself locked as a box when it matters, and broken open when it doesn’t
matter at all.”
Jeanette Winterson

Doing nothing
is most times tantamount to doing something. I have accepted this because my
reaction to the words or actions of others will be a reflection of the relationship I
have built with them. Fighting fire with fire works for most, but not for me. I end up
burning myself and others. Yes, even when they are guilty of breathing fire
first! And today I give you the
behind this concept.

  • Attaining
    a level of self realisation enables us to realise what is essentially good (and
    bad) for us. But “the things that are supposed to be bad for us, in reality,
    make us feel good.”
    (Madness and then Illumination!) Distancing
    ourselves from that which we know to be detrimental to our wellbeing is easier
    said than done. I have accepted that to starve myself of the things that I am
    craving for, I have to do nothing about them for a while. This makes sense in
    the recurring scenario where the thin line that distinguishes the good from the
    bad is blurry as fuck. Doing nothing for a while tends to make things clearer. I
    know this because if I had waited another week to kiss you, I could have found
    out about your girlfriend with the doe-eyed expression that still haunts me.
  • We must
    accept that to deal with the shit that life serves on a daily, we must be enlightened
    first. And you can’t achieve enlightenment until you are ready to drop that
    which you know and search for more. I know that my search is different from
    yours but I have found that my search is made clear by accepting to do nothing
    while I pursue the knowledge and understanding I need to deal with a matter. I am
    currently on holiday… So I have dedicated this time to
    reading. (Yes, I know I am
    such a nerd.) To adequately achieve this, I am learning how to control my body
    and mind regarding my restless disposition. This state of “nothingness” allows
    me to get lost in the words to think through and feel their impact to the best
    of my abilities (and beyond.)

  • I am
    materialistic, this I know. Someone explained this to me recently: My need to
    distance myself from material possessions because I am caused a certain amount
    of pain when I fail to acquire them or a certain amount of joy from attaining
    them, regardless of what amount of pain or joy they bring, can still be
    construed as materialism. I realise that these things should not control such
    pivotal emotions in my life. So now when I want to purchase something, I push
    myself to do nothing. If I need it, waiting a while will make this apparent, and only then can I purchase it. I need to live by this because I am
    horrible with money, I am an impulse shopper and needless to say I regret
    buying these heels that I have worn TWICE over a period of two years!
“Simple is good.”

  • I am an
    overly emotional person. This has made me strong on some days. But on most days
    I am a slave to my emotions and I am weak. I rarely have control over what I feel
    but I can try to control how I act as a result of these emotions. I need to
    remain still every time I start to feel something. I need this so that I don’t give
    into superficial emotions, petty emotions and other emotions that may present
    themselves to be real and yet they are a mirage.
  • To be
    human involves an incessant desire to be understood. But more often than we
    care to admit, this creates an over reliance to justify our actions to the world
    which can only serve as a form of self destruction. This is the barrier that
    holds us back from attaining some form of peace and happiness.

“The more you love your decisions, the less you need others to love them.”
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