I’M BACK…like a bad habit, BUT for most of you; like a poorly treated STD (ahem ahem, blame 14th February) I foolishly allowed myself to be swayed by irrational feelings of inadequacy. So I took some time off. Remember that spark I had…it died; from within. In a pathetic attempt to reignite it, I sought to uhmm rekindle old flames. Which, unfortunately, only spurred on the irrational feelings. I felt like a second rate version of myself. Everything I touched got fucked up…you know, like the fucked up bit to the Midas story. I’m sitting here with broken pieces in my hands; romantic pursuits gone bad, disappointed family, ignored friends and a disastrous two months of my second year in law school. I have (somehow) managed to fuck up 2012 and this is just the beginning. BUT I’M SMILING. I have found myself. That right there is success. I still don’t know what I want in a man, what career I want to pursue (being in law school doesn’t exactly narrow that path) what I have to offer or what my life’s purpose is. There is clarity in this confusion. I have so much work to do into fixing MY year but right now I am at peace. I don’t know how long this fire will burn but I have to make the most of it, right? Tomorrow is probably going to be a dark day so I have to make today as bright as I can. Shoot me now…I’ve turned into a cheesy internet advert.
In a totally unrelated matter; I decided to take part in lent this year. Amongst other things, this religious season calls for self-denial. So in an attempt to lengthen (and make permanent) my renewed self worth and GENUINE feeling of peace, I have decided to fast men. If you’re laughing…please die. I am a sucker for love…I have a new “love”-interest every week. So I thought this would be the perfect fast for me. Perfect…not easy!!! My little heart is always dreaming up new ways to fall in love so now I have to silence her for 40 days. If you are tall, dark and handsome…please stay away from me.