“And now we’re apart and you’re just some stranger who knows all my secrets and all my family members and all my quirks and flaws and it doesn’t make sense.” – Gaby Dunn
I regret to inform you that I, Kirabo Nora, will no longer be emotionally attached to you. Although our arrangement lacked any form of regulation regarding termination, I took it upon myself to include the reasons because I, unlike you, have a heart. As such, I have a moral obligation to show just cause for your discharge.
Simply put, “it’s not you, it is me!” I have developed strong feelings for you (these feelings will remain undefined for the sake of sanity.) but I have it on good authority that although they do surpass the frivolous title of “like” they do not come close to the rank of “love.” Said feelings have set off the psychotic behavior that I had outgrown and attempted to evolve from, intellectually and emotionally. This includes jealousy, unwarranted verbal fights, cyber stalking and the occasional glance at your cell phone, to mention a few. Attempts to suppress these feelings by inebriation, long talks with friends and the occasional prayer to all deities has failed. I do not know how to be casual. I misled you by having you believe that all I wanted was passion when in reality I wanted romance, intimacy and commitment. I can no longer give this incomplete version of myself. I must find a contractor with similar requirements of myself. I apologize for failing to make this known when it was inquired about in more than one late night inquisition. Your inability to provide reciprocity has rendered my feelings null and void in this matter. I was faced with suppression on one hand and extinction on the other. As previously stated, I am incapable of the former and so I am attempting to attain the latter by termination of this arrangement. I will no longer answer to “babe” “baby” or any other variations of this pathetic substitute for my name.
I am willing to offer friendship in place of the former arrangement. This, however, will require drawing up a new agreement to include clauses that will outlaw all form of physical contact and any other forms of intimacy with emotional ties. This new agreement will be enforceable after a reasonable time has been given to “move on.” Until then, you are asked to comply with this decision regardless of drunk dials, Freudian slips and other constructs of my subconscious mind that may imply otherwise.