Self Image

Sigmund versus Freud.

If you want something done right you
have to do it yourself…right? I am not a perfectionist, in fact, I revel in
chaos. But in the fine print there lies the only condition I hold over this; I can
only revel in my OWN chaos. I am not ready to accept anyone else’s. I am
learning to…but as of now I simply cannot! Remember how I said it’s MY world…I meant
it literally. My world; population: ONE!


I write the bits of reality that my
subconscious refuses to resign itself to (all of it, technically.) What is left;
the unfulfilled dreams, fantasies and whimsy. Harboured by inhibition, I rarely
give life to them. So I allow myself a degree of delusion and egocentrism. In my
mind I am justified. THAT IS where it counts, right? Well not really. A fusion
of a curse and a blessing has it that I be immersed in the very depth of “reality”
(also known as THE REAL WORLD) These are the realizations; I am human. I live
in a world of billions. Solitude is but a luxury I can rarely afford.

Simply put; “MY” world has no place
in the REAL world. Not even in the literary world. I have to bear with other
people’s insanity, (shriek) with the incredulous fact that I will not always be
right and that THIS version of the world will not always revolve around me. Today
I came to terms with the fact that I am indeed selfish. My brother always tells
me that although we can (attempt to) psychoanalyse people, and in so doing
understand them; we will not always be afforded this degree of perception in
return. So I retired the futile attempt of explaining myself to people. But that
doesn’t mean I get to disregard my understanding of who they are. I know when I
have hurt people and I bury this knowledge in my subconscious. This, I have
stumbled upon, amongst the other nuggets of truth, buried in my subconscious. This
in turn, helped me FINALLY come up with something to serve as the “ABOUT ME”
SECTION I oh so conveniently “forgot” to fill in.
The whole purpose of creating art is to delve into the
unknown. To seek it out and understand it. That is why I write about emotions,
about society (rather my feeble grasp of its norms), and about human
expectations among other random topics that plague my mind. These are things I
do not understand and attempt to find meaning through literary release. I find
it easier to deal with the mundane, because whether you consciously try to fix
those or not there will always be a solution. So I am convinced that nothing I
write about is mundane. This is MY
bigger picture. The number one demographic I target when I write is ultimately ME…that is why I am always blown away
when people relate to what I write. Because, the essence of that is that you
are relating to the core of my being. This is basically a “caveat emptor” to my
readers. What you perceive from my writing is a reflection of who YOU are.  I am not heartbroken, broken; yes, but rest
easy readers, my stupid organ remains stupidly intact. I have no vendetta
against men. In fact, they intrigue me. I am human. Today I am this, today I am
that. Conservative today, tomorrow; setting fire to the self pronounced rules
that I follow religiously. There is no mystery to me, sadly. But I do insist
that I am rarely what people conclude. Same applies to YOU. I am easily bored by the ordinary. So much that half the time
I have to be on something stronger than caffeine just to put up with it. But I
sit back and wait for life to surprise me. As I do to you. 
 

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2 Comments

  • Reply Anonymous April 27, 2012 at 10:54 am

    brilliant, just brilliant

  • Reply Nora Kirabo April 28, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    Thank you "Anonymous" 🙂

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