Self Image

Read it and Weep!

“If what Proust says is true, that happiness is the
absence of fever, then I will never know happiness. For I am possessed by a
fever for knowledge, experience, and creation.” – Anais Nin

spent the past months bouncing back and forth; from Tolstoy to Dostoyevsky,
from Jane Austen to Virginia Woolf among others…and then there are the stacks
of law books that deserve their share of the midnight oil I am burning through
so fast (not to mention reluctantly.) I am overly ambitious. I have a folder on
my computer titled “Novels and Literary pieces.” But secretly, I call it my
“ambition” folder. It has all this material that I want to read desperately.
Yes, desperately; I want to immerse my mind in the greats so I can shed the
layers of inadequacy that I have undoubtedly grown comfortable with. So I finally
come to terms with the monumental fear I had spent months flirting with…
I am indeed inadequate.

spend so much time “finding ourselves” that we fail to realise every possible
version we could possibly settle with still needs a good polishing. We are not
sharks…we are not born swimming. We must grow! My soul search (for lack of a
better description) has been evolving the past months. I went from accepting
the wisdom of nothingness to a much needed re-evaluation undistorted by emotion
or personal bias. Ever since I brought up the list talk, I have been staring at
this blank canvas thinking of who and what would make the cut. What I had failed
to consider was the whole “painting all things Nora” bid. See, I already did
the whole “finding myself” initiative. A search that I came to accept I would undoubtedly
go through my whole life. Nobody ever wants to accept that they are inadequate. 
Especially when they are
capable of so much greatness.
  But then that’s the thing,
being capable of something is wholly different from being exactly that.
that’s IT right there. “What?” you ask…“what is IT?” IT is the acceptance
that everything I am longing for, I must work for. To do that I must unlearn
the bits that, at heart, are the masterminds of complacency.  
A story is told of a university
professor who went to visit a famous Zen master. While the master quietly
served tea, the professor talked about Zen. The master poured the visitor’s cup
to the brim, and then kept pouring. The professor watched the overflowing cup
until he could no longer restrain himself. “It’s overfull! No more will go
in!” the professor blurted. “You are like this cup,” the master
replied, “How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?”
are unfinished masterpieces that God is always waiting to improve. And to do
that we must shed off the layers that are beyond transformation. I must
willingly lose some and keep others. The journey of Self-improvement is one WE
must all embark on….amidst the reassurance of greatness and the possibility
of failure. Some will support you and others will mock you. This journey is a
never ending one. So we must find pleasure in it, regardless.
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