Self Image

Praying For Rain.

“Remember,
one who enjoys more is bound to suffer more because he becomes very sensitive.
But suffering is not bad. If you understand it rightly, suffering is a
cleansing. If you understand it rightly, sadness has a depth to it which no
happiness can ever have. A person who is simply happy is always superficial. A
person who has not known sorrow and has not known sadness, has not known the
depths. He has not touched the bottom of his being; he has remained just on the
periphery. One has to move within these two banks. Within these two banks flows
the river.”

—Osho

“Whatever you do, do not cry!”
this is the worst advice anyone could ever give me. To me; crying is the nudge you
need to get over the hurdle. Why is it a sign of weakness? Is it not a form of
rebirth that, as humans, must come naturally? But then again our society tells
us that the very idea of being human is synonymous with weakness. We deny our
humanity but essentially to be human is to be divine. He breathed life into us.
I always tell my friends that this gives us the ability to feel things at a
superhuman level. The problem is being human also means corruption. We have
corrupted this divinity within. I admitted to someone recently that I do not
know how to love without leaving scars. The belief that those scars are a piece
of me. The scars prove that I am important to you. But it is no way to love; and I know
that. I have to tone the fuck down. I want to be me and not be me at the same
time. But I’m trapped. The expectations we have of each other are defiantly
impossible. Why set me on a pedestal then create these out-of-this-world
standards that even you cannot meet.

I have to break to become whole. There are
pieces that can no longer be a part 
of me and the only way they leave my soul
is by shattering it. I can only take the pieces that are necessary. And the
ache never truly goes; it simply subsides. Then one cold morning, heavy
misunderstood drops from the sky beat life into it and it pulsates; giving life
to memories, an unhealthy remittance.

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