Self Image

Keeping up Appearances.

”Part-broken, part-whole, we begin again…”
– Jeanette Winterson

saying goes “if you go out looking for dirt; you will find it.” Is that such a
bad thing? My friends NEVER get involved with someone unless they’ve
investigated them so much that they can adequately write a biography. Then there’s
me…forever blindsided. It’s an addiction, you see. I prefer to find out who you
are from the best source; you! I am an open book. Well not entirely; the better
part of me is. I am shamelessly neurotic; probably why I know no moderation. The
more reason for me to take precaution, yet I never do. People need to earn
their place in your heart. But I forget this. Strangers turn into friends too
easily. Friends turn into lovers more often than they should. What I fail to
see is that even when my soul is bare, sans pretension, they remain strangers. I
have loved strangers, dear readers. I am mortified. And at the end of the day,
they never really “change” they just simply….reveal themselves. I need walls,
boundaries; some kind of machinery that will contain my volatile soul. Can it
be done? SHOULD it be done?
are human after all. I am susceptible to the same wrongs. Yet they are void of
remorse, they deny atonement…and I forgive them just as easily. I grow weary of
being the “better” woman because I never seem to learn from it. I want to say “it’s
not okay!” “You are not forgiven.” “Work for it; for my heart, for my pardon,
for the goddamn right to say you know me!” 
We must let go of people that hurt us so much that it is easy to be done with them. It should be that easy. And some do want to leave our lives. They hurt us because they don’t know how to say goodbye. We forgive them and let them go. It IS that easy! 
“The deeper that sorrow carves into your
being the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the
very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?”

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1 Comment

  • Reply mizzdiamond October 14, 2012 at 6:45 pm

    I feel like you were talking about me. Every single word. As always, very well put miss Kirabo. I can't articulate my thoughts this well (unless I'm angry, that is). Bravo!!!

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