Self Image

Higher Learning.

I have never claimed to be perfect. Who, really
can? Even when we declare perfection publicly; deep down we are aware of the
abundance of the flaws that unbeknownst to us make us human. But of course we
strive to undo this fact. Absurd, but none the less true. We dedicate our lives
to proving that we are set apart. We do not want to be assigned to any
group…..unless it is one that we delude ourselves to be one of grandeur. So
what if you are not special? What if you think like everyone else, look like
everyone else…simply, so what? That right there is a chance for you to live
life to the fullest. Simply because you need not worry yourself with being the
greatest or with trying not to be the worst. You can simply exist.
BUT…is it ever enough? To allow your
mind to lay in waiting day in and day out only for you to disgracefully subdue.
At the end of the day, even though you hide behind the veil of mediocrity you
still hunger for more. You want to be better, if not for you, then for some
shallow reason…but none the less you want an upgrade. At the back of our minds
we confront ourselves; we envy great men and feel inadequate, we pity the under
achievers and tell ourselves that we are better. Maybe we aren’t so different!
At the root of it all we are the same; creatures of change.

I awaited the new year, much like the hopeless
sat on the side walks awaiting Christ. I do not necessarily have high
expectations of the year, but I know it will bring change. Positive change. And
for a hopeless soul like mine, that is all I need. To spur on my faith and to
encourage the very best bits of my broken vessel.
I have no resolutions for 2012;
I am simply hoping to be better. I may be bankrupt of emotion (read as “the
necessary” emotion required to exist in society) but who says that won’t be
replenished. I sit on a world of nothingness but my faith is its orbit. There I
go sprinkling holy water on the inner cynic. What to do…

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