You ruined 2am for me. You woke up at 2am to tuck me back in when I kicked the sheets off. You got out of bed at 2am to get me a glass of water because my voice sounded parched. You stayed up till 2am talking to me about the universe and you couldn’t fucking stop and realise you were my universe. I tried to go to the bathroom at 2am and you held on tighter and asked why I was getting up. I pushed you to the edge of the bed at 2am and you woke up to kiss me not fight. Everything at 2am felt better with you. You loved me with all you had at 2am and when the sun came up you decided that that wasn’t love.
I ruin everything to make us even. I read through your messages while you sleep looking for the worst side of you. I respond to every compliment with sarcasm and eye rolls. I refuse any declaration of love because I am determined to reveal the wolf beneath your skin. When I find the man beneath all this, I sink my dagger in. You will never know the extent to which I love you. But you do, if I didn’t care about you I wouldn’t focus so much on ruining you (twisted, I know) When you give in to vulnerability you admit to the pain you bear with my distance. And at 2am I will be vulnerable too, I will reach out for you and draw you in, just so I can remind you how you ruin everything.
If you’re reading this, I am sorry. I was never for you and you were never for me even though it felt that way. The fact that we always broke each other is testament to that. You deserve better, as do I.